I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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