I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
