Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
