Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
