bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
