Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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