The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
