the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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