I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
