whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize