I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
