I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
