I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
