O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mom said you looked used
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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