Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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