I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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