i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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