Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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