Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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