her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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