Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bring money and cleavage
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
