I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
