You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dignity is for republicans.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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