Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
