Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
