There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
