I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize