Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
