i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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