In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
