Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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