This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
