Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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