hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
