there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
