Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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