so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
