it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
