i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
