Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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