someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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