I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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