I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
