Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
