You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
