I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
