No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
