the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
