God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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