THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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