he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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