Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
