Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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