I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
