i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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