Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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