My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
