I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
