Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
