In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
