probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
