sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
