I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize