i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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