Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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