I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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