Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize