My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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