There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
