MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
