I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
