my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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