Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize