and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
