Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
