after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
