if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize