Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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