On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize