Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We have started to decorate penises.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
