I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize