Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
