Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
