some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
