She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
