In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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