His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
