and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
