Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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