i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize