Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
