Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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